Mama + Babe | Lauren W Photography
I am feeling all kinds of emotions as my baby girls turned THREE YEARS OLD this week. It got me looking back at old photos and videos, thinking about her birth story, and reminiscing on what life was like this time 3 years ago.
It almost hurts to look back. Life is so tricky like that. We have these beautiful stories being woven together and if you're really lucky you get to grow a baby in your body, give birth to that baby, and sustain that baby's life. And all throughout this bringing up of that baby you get the best, most crazy privilege of all and that is to know that baby. You finally get to see what he or she looks like and sounds like and smells like. You start to see what they think is funny and what they think is scary. You are there in the night with them and you wonder if you'll ever sleep again. You somehow know that you won't but that that is okay too. You get to hear them start talking and you finally now know what their tiny little speaking voice sounds like. You see them run and you wince as they crash into things. You crack up at silly things because their laughter is contagious. You sing and listen to the same songs over and over again because their wish is your command.
Sometimes you cry because now she's 3 and she has started to hurt your feelings. She can be mean and bossy and disrespectful and even though it's coming out of the tiniest, cutest little mouth that you created, it can be the most hurtful and cause the most pain. But then when you lose your temper and your patience runs thin, she is right there again, to forgive you quicker than anyone else besides Christ himself. The innocence of our kids is too sweet for words and after all of our my faults and failures as mothers they will be there, down at our feet, asking to be held and saying "it's ok, mama. I love you too."
We are in the business of asking for forgiveness and extending grace to each other in our house. I started admitting my wrongs and asking for forgiveness of Jude before she could even hold her own head up. I never want my kids to remember a time where mommy couldn't say sorry or admit my faults. I am blown away by the grace that kids give and I pray to be more like them. As Jude is now 3 years old we are experiencing this so much more regularly and I can remember when she was 3 months old thinking that our relationship would never be strained. Not this pair. Mothers and daughters don't have to have tension. We were going to be the ones to break that stereotype. It's silly and humbling to look back at some of the assumptions we have as new mothers. We so often compare ourselves to others and think that we will somehow defy all the difficulties we hear about parenthood. Parenthood is hard. It always has been and it always will be. But it is also such a rich joy that God gifts us. There is absolutely nothing like it. God shows his glory to us through so many aspects of motherhood and is sanctifying us through the whole thing. I am thankful for every single aspect of how he designed this life.
This photoshoot is still one of my favorites ever. Judeth was 3 months old and it was her first trip to Kentucky. This was about a month before I found out I was pregnant with Sammy, so looking at these photos makes me reflect and smile at the days where it was just this little chunk.
You made me a mama, Judeth Lyn and I love you every day for it. Now you're 3 and I love you endlessly more than I could have ever even imagined here in this field where I was so in love with you just as you were then.